he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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