Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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