Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
