Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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