Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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