White coat. Heels.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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