sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
