my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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