help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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