so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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