every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize