I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
