I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
