I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
