My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize