I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
