Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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