just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
