so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
