I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Randomize
