So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
