Screwed.edu
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
