he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
