a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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