no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
