I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
