and you said cock pushups were impossible
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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