i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said her name was "party"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
