I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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