The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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