If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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