areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
