So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
