I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
