Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
