You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize