Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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