he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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