Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
