I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
