MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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