I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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