I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
