I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
