I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
