I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
