you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
