God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
