okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
