i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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