I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize