PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
