Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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