after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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