He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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