Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
