WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize