I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
