69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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