elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
