I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
