I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
