It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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