I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
