Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize