i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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