stop calling my apartment porn island.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
