For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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