I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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