I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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