Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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