even my farts smell like vagina
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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