dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize