All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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