Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
