You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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