My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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