The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
