My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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