is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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