Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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