Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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