sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
