I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize