i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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