One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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