You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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