i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
