After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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