Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
