My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
