This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
