did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
