Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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